Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Lunch Shuffle

Feeding the guys lunch in the field turned into the classic dance "Lunch Shuffle". It's where I bring lunch to one field, they are in another, and oops, they changed fields again.

Morning began with a trip to town for groceries. Saturday is not my ideal day for grocery shopping because I hate standing in line! Quick as I may be in stores, I didn't even start to leave town until 11:30. So I called Farmer Jr. to see if he wanted me to get him a fast food sandwich.

"Hey, I'm in town. Can I get something for your lunch?"

"Sure. I'm busy", said Farmer Jr. Click.

Didn't even have a chance to ask what kind of lunch he'd like. So much for good deeds. Being a glutton for punishment, I called the Farmer to see what he'd like.

"Sure. I'd like something", said Farmer. "Jr. has a tractor repair guy with him, so get him lunch too. And the Banker is working with me today, so he needs a lunch".

"Okay. Where do I bring them?"

"Well, Banker and I are on Mein Farm and Farmer Jr. is in bottom field on left."

"Alright. I'll be there about 12:15".

Drove through fast food place, ordered enough food for 4 hungry men and cruised on towards home. Then my phone rang.

"We're not on the Mein farm anymore. Meet us at Nor farm" says the Farmer.

"Can I get to you in that field?"

Farmer: "Yes, just call before you get here and we'll come out to you. By the way, Farmer Jr. is not in the bottoms anymore. He's working for a neighbor and will be on the left in a field off Hwy 20."

Good Farm Wife: "Got it. I'll drop off Farmer Jr.'s lunch first and then come see you."

Farmer: "By the way, the repair man has left, so you don't need to bring him any lunch."


About five minutes away from Farmer Jr's field, I called him. He said he was moving and would meet me in the field. I sat in my car, in the field for 10 minutes. Waiting. No Farmer Jr. So I left, with intentions to return after I delivered Farmers & Banker's lunches.

Crossing a highway I look to my left. There is Farmer Jr. coming down the road in a big blue tractor. He calls my cell phone and instructs me to follow him. Good thing he smiles when I hand his lunch through the car window!

Now to find Farmer and Banker. I'm getting close when Farmer calls.

"We're hung up. Meet me at the entrance to Yam farm in 15 minutes."

I sit at the entrance for 10 minutes and call Farmer back.

"Not that entrance. The one by the creek."

So I drive to farm entrance by the creek where I have a great view of the trackhoe upended on the muddy creek slope. Too far and muddy to walk in my "going to town" shoes, so I wait until Farmer returns in a mud splattered pickup truck. Good thing he smiles at me too. And says thank you.

Spring planting has begun. And so has the Lunch Shuffle. Need to learn a new dance step. As always, I am the Good Farm Wife.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Mowing The Lions

The sun is shining bright, Easter bunnies are running amok and my lawn is overgrown with onions and dandylions. And the ground is soggy - Hang up the mower in mud and muck soggy. Still, the Farmer says it's time to knock the grass back down to a modest level.

I like to wait until the ground is more solid before mowing for the first time in spring. All sorts of foreign matter can find it's way into a yard surrounded on three sides by fields of winter wheat. Raising our mower deck to the highest setting is imperative; especially when cruising over green clumps of grass made thicker from dog deposits. Not to mention twigs and branches left over from our Ice Storm of the Century!

But the Farmer has serviced my mower (changed oil, checked ???, etc.) and says I'm ready to go. "Why the big rush?" I ask. "Well" says Farmer, "I have to jump start it with my truck, and I'm leaving right after lunch." Hmmm. My mower isn't totally ready for the new season after all.

I mow for two hours straight. After all, if I lift my rear end off the seat, the mower stops and I am done for the day.

Grass gets cut, dandylions and onions are mowed down. But the lawn is not a showpiece. Evidently, the mower blades are not sharpened. Again. Oh, well. That shouldn't surprise me. What does surprise me is the true reason Farmer wants me to mow our lawn: He likes to see his wheat crop against a trim lawn. It's all about the crop/farm.

As Farmer looked out the bathroom window this morning, he said "Isn't it beautiful?"

Thinking he was bragging on my mowing job I answered "Yes, but it is very uneven".

"Well, kiss me honey" Farmer sputtered.

"The grass. I'm talking about the grass, not your wheat!"

I remain, The Good Farm Wife

Saturday, March 28, 2009


Dear Manager,

Our farm Printer inhales ink; sucks it in and runs dry faster than a soybean plant in sandy soil on a 101 degree August afternoon. I can’t afford to buy ink every two weeks. So I secure a farm check, grab my purse and drive to town and your office supply store to buy a new Farm Printer.

Curly Hair Employee points me in the direction of Printers and I find a shiny black and silver wireless HP. Just what I want. But it has five ink cartridges. The sign says five ink cartridges are "more convenient". Why? I look for Curly Hair to ask.

"Why are five ink cartridges more convenient?"

"It has five?"

"I saw them"

"Are you sure?"

"Let me show you."

Sure enough, Printer does indeed have five ink cartridges. Curly Hair is dumfounded. And doesn’t know why five is better than two, or even one. Forget that Printer. I find another. This one has two ink cartridges. XL. That means ink lasts longer. Good. I’ll get this one. Where are the replacement ink cartridges?

"Right here" says Curly Hair.

"But it doesn’t have my printer listed on the box."

"Are you sure?"

Now, I wear glasses. This automatically makes me look smart. But I am a woman, who speaks with a southern accent and smiles a lot, which probably negates the intelligence factor of glasses. HOWEVER, just because I’m a farm wife does not mean I just fell off the turnip truck. I can read! I am sure!

Next time, I will shop a different office supply store. I am sure.

Sincerely, The Good Farm Wife